It's Never Easy
by xPandaPearx
Summary: It's never easy losing someone you love. And neither is living in a world ruled by the dead. Combine the two, and you have the ultimate heartbreak. Rated T for now. Set two months before "30 Days Without An Accident". Multiple pairings, will change with later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

"Jenna, Jenna, wake up!"

The first thing I heard when I woke up was my six year old sister, Emma, trying to get me out of bed. She did it every morning, never realizing that I was perfectly capable of waking up on my own. I groaned and rolled over, shaking my head. "Just leave me alone..."

Emma huffed. "Fine! I'll makes Patrick git' you up, you lazy girl!" I could hear her small footsteps leave my cell. My little sister was the definition of unique- everything she did, from talking to the way she dressed, was...different. I'm not saying its a bad thing, but she certainly stuck out at the prison like a sore thumb.

A moment or two later, someone else entered the cell. Patrick most likely. Every morning, Emma always went to him to wake me up.

"Jen, wake up. It's already 8:30 and you have chores to do." I felt him sit on the edge of my bed by my feet. I sat up, looking over at him.

"If I kiss you, will you go away and let me sleep?" He chuckled lightly. "As tempting as that is, no."

I sat there for a moment, then lugged myself out of bed. He got up and smiled.

"It's about time. Get dressed, you have things to do." He gave me a light kiss, then left. We weren't dating or anything, but friendly kisses were a part of our platonic relationship.

I stood there for a moment to allow myself to wake up a bit more, then pulled off my pajamas, exchanging them for a plain black tank top and denim capris, which were getting too small and tight for me. I slipped on my converse sneakers, then made my way out.

* * *

Daryl, Michonne, Sasha, and I had planned a run for later on- I wasn't originally supposed to go, but they all thought I was old enough and and ready for it. If I said I wasn't afraid or at least nervous, I'd be lying. I was terrified. There had been a few times when groups on runs would come back with one or two less people than when they had left. I didn't want to be one of them.

When I ran into Sasha outside, she pulled me aside. I could also see Daryl and Michonne packing the car with things we'd need. For once, Emma had actually woken me up when it was necessary.

"Are you ready? We need to get going soon, the place we're going to is a bit far."

My heart raced as I nodded. I hadn't realized we'd be leaving now. "Yeah, I just have to say bye to my sister and a few others."

She smiled and nodded. "Don't take too long. Meet us at the car when you're done." With that, she went off to help Daryl and Michonne.

I went towards the field where the younger kids always played. Emma was sitting in the grass with Mika, talking. Patrick was with Carl, Lizzie, and a few others kicking around a ball. Hesitantly, I made my way over to Emma first. When she noticed me, she grinned and got up, running over to me and hugging my waist tightly.

"Hi Jenna! Do you wanna play with me and Mika?" She looked up at me with large, innocent blue eyes. I sighed softly and bent down to her level. "I can't right now, kiddo. I have to go out to find supplies, but when I get back I promise I can play." Emma, being the young child she was, didn't fully understand what I had said. So instead, she gave me another smile and nodded. "Okay, I'll be waiting for you to get back!" She hugged me properly this time, and I hugged her back. When I pulled away, I kissed her forehead. "I love you. I'll see you soon."

She nodded, kissing the tip of my nose. "Okay! I love you, Jenna!" After she let go and returned to Mika, I realized that my eyes had become moist with tears, threatning to fall. She was so innocent, so young...I couldn't bear to think about what would happen to her if I didn't come back.

Once I composed myself, I made my way over to the other group. Carl noticed me first and nudged Patrick, smirking a bit. He said something I didn't catch, and Patrick went a bit red. He came over to me, a smile on his face.

"Hey, Jen." He paused, seeming to notice my mood. "Is everything alright?"

I lunged at him, pulling him into a tight embrace. He awkwardly wrapped his arms around me, as if he wasn't sure what to do.

"Are...are you alright?" He asked quietly. I nodded. "I just wanted to see you before I leave."

Patrick pulled away then, concern etched into his features. "Leave? Are you leaving the prison?!"

I shook my head. "I'm going on a supply run. I wanted to tell you in advance, but I was afraid I'd worry you.." My eyesight blurred with tears. Patrick loved me, I could tell. He just hadn't said anything yet.

"Please, don't get yourself killed. I don't know what I'd do without you, and Emma, she needs you." His voice shook as he spoke. I reached up and kissed him gently. "I'll be fine, and I'll see you soon."

Patrick nodded a bit, kissing my forehead. "Stay safe."

I nodded and walked off, the tears finally falling. After a moment, I wiped them away with the back of my hand and hurried over to the car we we taking, and got in next to Sasha in the backseat.

"You alright?" She asked quietly. I nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. Let's go."

Michonne started the car, and Maggie opened the gates. The car moved forward, speeding out of the safety of the prison and into the dangerous place that became the world.

* * *

About an hour and a half later, we pulled into the parking lot of a large grocery store. The place was deserted, minus the occasional car here and there. Michonne turned around in her seat, looking to Sasha, and then me.

"We won't be here longer than we need to be, if everything we need is here. If anything goes wrong or and problems happen, just yell and one of us will come running."

I nodded, my hands shaking a bit. "I-I just want to get it over with so we can get back. Patrick's probably worried himself sick by now..."

After I said that, Sasha snickered and lookEd out the window to hide her obvious grin.

"What?"

"It's nothing..." She began, chuckling a bit. "You and Patrick, though...I've seen you two getting awfully close.."

I huffed, crossing my arms. "We're just friends, I've said it a million times before!"

"Sure y'are.." Daryl said from up front.

I laughed a bit, and Sasha and Michonne joined in a moment later. Daryl just smiled slightly. Once it died down, we sat in silence for a moment.

"Y'all ready?" Sasha asked.

"Yes." I said softly, and Daryl nodded. We grabbed our guns, getting out. From where we stood, the grocery store looked huge and frightening.

'Today could very well be your last day,' I thought involuntarily. As quickly as the thought came, I shook it away. If I thought like that, something _would _go wrong.

I stood there for a moment, then hurried to catch up with everyone- I hadn't notice them go ahead.

My heart raced and I took a deep breath as we approached the store.

'It's show time..' I thought, and smile. Maybe everything would be fine after all...or maybe not.


	2. Chapter 2

**My apologies for not updating in a while- school has really been dragging me down. I'll try and update this story, and my other one, whenever I have time. Also, I'd like to give a big thank you to 'Kansas' for the first review. Each and every review I get will be acknowledged and I appreciate them all! **

* * *

Dark. The grocery store was quite dark, despite the large glass windows in the front of the store.

I was assigned to look for children's medicine and any salvageable drinks, such as water, juice, and vitamin water. So far, I had filled up one of my two backpacks with various medication, and some extra medical supplies I thought would be useful. Next, I was off to collect water.

I'd passed Michonne and Sasha a few times, both scouting for their items. Daryl was off somewhere else, but I could faintly hear the sound of his boots hitting the tile floor.

On the way to get the water, I passed an aisle filled with baby items. A shelf of colorful stuffed animals caught my eye. Emma had no real toys, and neither did Mika or the other younger children. I stood there for a moment, then hurried down the aisle and to the shelf, opening my empty backpack and pushing in a few stuffed toys.

I zipped up the bag and turned, nearly having a heart attack when I saw Sasha, maybe two feet away. "Jesus, Sasha, you can't sneak up on people like that!" I whisper shouted.

She looked to the bag, then at the section we were in. There was a look of surprise and slight shock in her eyes. It took me a moment to comprehend what she thought, but it finally clicked: she thought I was pregnant.

"No, no! I'm not... You didn't think... They're just toys for the kids..." I said quickly, as though I had a millisecond to live. I didn't need her- or anyone else, for that matter- going around and saying I was knocked up.

She nodded a bit, the look remaining in her eyes. "Okay then... I just passed the water aisle,Gand there's-" Sasha suddenly stopped, and her head snapped to the direction of the front door, listening. She obviously heard something out of the ordinary. I stayed quiet, and I could hear something as well. Footsteps, too coordinated to belong to the dead. And I was positive they weren't Michonne's or Daryl's.

Sasha grabbed my arm and yanked it, signaling for me to follow her. We ran down the aisle and to the back of the store, ducking behind the deli counter. The stench of the long rotted meats and cheeses made me gag. In return, Sasha clamped a hand over my mouth to muffle the sound. A moment later, the footsteps came into earshot, along with voices.

"I'm telling you, I saw people! There's others here!"

Sasha pulled me closer to her, holding me tightly. Her body was shaking. I squeezed my eyes shut as the person walked in front of the counter, maybe a foot and a half away. If they looked down, we would be screwed.

"Go look for medicine. The longer we stand around, the faster Lily dies. Go."

Both sets of footsteps receded, and Sasha let me go. "We need to go, now. We can't stop and see where Michonne and Daryl are, if they're here they'll have to walk back."

The urgency in her voice told me she wasn't playing around. I nodded and grabbed my bags, getting into a crouching position. Sasha did the same and peeked her head up, seeing if the coast was clear. After a moment, she nodded and got up, dragging me with her as we silently made our way through the aisles. It was almost like a sinister game of Cat and Mouse, only we were the mice, and the strangers cats.

When the front door came into view, my heart leapt in relief. Sasha made us sit there for a solid minute before we got up. We crept along, close to the ground, in the shadows, nearly reaching the door when the inevitable happened.

I could feel the cold metal barrel of a gun press against the back of my head. The way Sasha tensed up beside me me, I could tell the same was happening to her.

"Move a muscle and I'll send a bullet through your brain."

I instantly squeezed my eyes shut. This was the closest to death I'd ever been, and it was terrifying. Sasha slowly and discreetley reached over and grabbed my hand. I held hers tightly, a lump forming in my throat.

"Get up!" A deep voice boomed. I shakily pulled myself to my feet, as did Sasha. My mind then wandered to my bags, slung onto both my shoulders. I knew they wouldtake them, but I also knew I'd do anything in my power to prevent that.

"Who are you and what are you doing here?!" The voice asked again, in a threatening loud tone. There was no way I was going to turn around.

"I-I'm Sasha, a-and this is Jenna... We're h-here for s-supplies... We can leave if you w-want!" She stuttered. Fear was evident in her voice.

There was a moment of silence. "Hmm.. Two pretty girls, alone in a store, with _no one _to hear you scream.."

Tears filled my eyes as their motives became clear. 'Dary, Michonne, where are you guys?!' I thought, trying not to cry and seem weak.

"How old are you, blondie?" The man behind me asked.

I shuddered before answering softly. "16, s-sir.."

A low chuckle came from the man, and I couldfeel him stroking my hair gently. "What beautiful hair you h-"

He suddenly stopped.

"You best take yer hands off 'er." Daryl.

The hand went away, as well as the gun that had been against my head.

Sasha's grip on my hand relaxed a bit, and I glanced over to see the gun wasn't against her head anymore.

"Both of you, get to the car. We'll be out soon." Michonne said quietly. She must of been behind the second guy.

Sasha and I ran out the door and to the car, not looking back once. She took my bags and tossed them into the trunk along with hers! And then got in the back with me.

After sitting there for a moment, I suddenly began to cry. Sasha noticed, and put her arms around me. rested my head on her shoulder, sobbing. We stayed like that for a few minutes until Daryl and Michonne came out. I could see blood splattered on Michonne's shirt, and some on Daryl's cheek.

Silently, they put their bags in the trunk and got up front, starting the car and driving us all away from the store.


	3. Chapter 3

The trip back to the prison was quiet. The silence was almost maddening, but no one dared to talk; what was there to even say?

I stared out the window most of the time, watching the trees pass by in a blur. Sasha was right beside me, holding my hand. Even though we weren't very close, she seemed like my older sister already. I held respect for her, and she seemed to have it for me.

Daryl kept his eyes to the ground, but occasionally glanced up at the reareview mirror to Sasha and I- I had seen him do it out of the corner of my eye. I didn't mind, either, he was just making sure we were okay.

Not long after, the prison came into view. I let out a soft sigh, looking to Sasha.

"You okay?" She asked gently.

I nodded. "I'm fine.

That was a lie. I was far from fine. My mind kept thinking about what would have happened if Daryl and Michonne hadn't shown up. Although it wasn't something to waste time pondering, it was hard not to.

Maggie opened the gates for us and Michonne pulled in, stopping a safe distance away from the gates.

She and Daryl got out, but I didn't.

Sasha looked down at me. "Are you sure you're okay?"

I didn't respond. Tears were already forming again in my eyes. I felt... Dirty. Although the man stroking my hair could have been considered completely innocent, it didn't come off like that to me, and it made me feel disgusting.

Sasha let go of my hand. "I know how you must feel, but it doesn't matter anymore. It happened back there, and we're here now, so don't let it bother you, okay? If you ever need someone to talk to or to be with, just find me. I'll be more than happy to help you."

I nodded and wiped my eyes, forcing myself to get out of the car. I wrapped my arms around myself, and slowly made my way to the prison. I just wanted to see Emma. She was most likely afraid and I'd promised her I would play with her when I returned.

I kept my head down and ignored those around me as I made my way to cell block D, whe I shared a cell with Emma, and where Patrick was two cells down from us. It was relatively quiet, but as I listened for a moment I could hear a soft voice singing a song out of tune and rhythm.

"Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are..."

It was Emma, singing her favorite song. I hurried to our cell and peeked in, seeing her sitting on my bed with the picture of us, our parents, and older brother in her tiny hands. It was the only picture I could find when we had to leave our home in Macon. I softly knocked on the wall.

Her head turned, and her eyes lit up as a grin came across her features. "Jenna, you're back!" She shrieked, dropping the phoot and running to me, wrapping her arms around my waist. I smiled and picked her up, kissing her cheek.

"Jenna, guess what?" She said, a large smile on her face, her eyes bright and full of happiness.

"What is it, Em?" I walked over to the bed, sitting down with her in my lap. She glanced over at the door, then at me.

"I know a secret you don't." She whispered, a hint of pride in her voice. "Patrick told me after you left, and he said I wasn't allowed to tell you!"

I rolled my eyes. Only Patrick would be stupid enough to tell my sister a secret. If I poked and prodded enough, though, she would surely tell me eventually.

"How about you tell me? I won't tell anyone, and he'll never know."

She shook her head vigorously. "No! You have to ask him. He gave me a shiny rock so I wouldn't tell you." She pulled out a tiny rock from her pocket, which was speckled with mica.

"Please? I'm your sister, I'm older, and I can take your rock." I took it from her, setting it aside. She cried out in surprise. And ached over to get it, but I held her back.

"Emma, seriously. Tell me and youcan have your stupid rock!"

A look of sadness flashed in her eyes. I hadn't meant to snap, but after everything that happened, I wasn't in the mood to play games with her.

"H-he told me he liked you..." She said softly and timidly.

I paused for a moment, then took her off my lap and set her beside me. She snatched the rock off the blanket and held it close to her chest as though she'd die without it.

"Stay here, and don't go anywhere by yourself."

She nodded, and I went over to Patrick's cell. To my dismay, he wasn't there. Shaking my head in annoyance, I headed outside to find him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Here's chapter four! Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, it means the world to know people like it. :)**

* * *

I found Patrick out with Carl down in the field, both looking out at the walkers beyond the fence. Based on how they looked at each other now and then, I could tell they were talking. Although I wanted to see him, I'd still feel bad pulling him away from Carl.

I silently made my way towards them, somehow remaining unseen by both. No one else seemed to notice me, which was good. I actually really wanted to know what they were talking about. Once I was close enough, I could finally hear them, and what I heard shocked me a bit.

"-to be my girlfriend." Patrick said.

Carl paused before responding. "Well if that's how you feel, you need to get a move on before it's too late."

I held my breath. I knew Patrick liked me, but it was different hearing him say such a thing, even though I didn't catch everything he said.

"What do you mean by that?"

Carl sighed. "I mean, tell her how you feel before someone else decided they like her too. Who knows, maybe she likes you too."

"I doubt it. The way she looks at me, I can tell all she sees in me is a friend..." He hung his head a bit, and Carl reached over, patting his shoulder.

"Maybe, but I doubt it. If she saw you as a friend, she wouldn't kiss you so much, or even at all."

I decided it was time to intervene- I'd heard enough to tell Emma wasn't lying. But one thing I couldn't help thinking... When did Carl suddenly become a relationship expert? I backed up a bit, as though I hadn't been standing there the whole time.

"Hey, guys..." I said quietly, approaching them.

Patrick's head snapped in my direction, and a grin came over his features as he pulled me into a tight embrace. I flinched slightly- I wasn't too sure how I felt about physical contact at the moment. It didn't appear that he noticed, but I hugged him back regardless.

I could see Carl standing in place and looking at us, a slight smirk on his face. I rolled my eyes and he looked away, hiding a snicker. After a moment, Patrick pulled away a bit so that he was looking down at me.

"I'm glad you're back, I was starting to think something bad had happened..."

I shook my head a bit. "Everything went fine, don't worry."

A part of me wanted to break down and tell him what happened, and how I just yearned for some space, but he was too kind, too... overprotective to be told. If he found out on his own, so be it.

He smiled and gently kissed my forehead. "Good. I don't want you to get hurt, ever."

'Hint number one..' I thought to myself as he let me go. When Carl noticed us break apart, he opened his mouth to speak, but I beat him to it.

"So, what were you guys talking about?"

Carl suddenly got a mischievous look on his face. Patrick must have made some sort of gesture to stop him because as he walkoff past me, he said very quietly:

"Patrick likes you."

And walked off as though nothing happened. I stood there for a moment, then glanced up at Patrick. His entire face had gone tomato red, the poor guy. I wanted to say something, anything, but I couldn't. He was a nice guy and all, but a relationship with him? I would be lying if I said my feelings for him were completely platonic, but the time wasn't right and I didn't want to hurt him if I jumped in and then broke it off an hour later.

After a moment, Patrick seemed to understand that I wasn't going to be saying anything anytime soon.

"I, uh, I'll talk to you later.." He mumbled, then hurried away.

I stood there for a few more minutes, then sat down in the grass, tears stinging my eyes. Everything was happening too fast. I hated it. A lot.

I wiped the tears away and looked past the fence, watching all the walkers clawing at the chain link to get in, to feed.

Sometimes, I felt as though it would be easier to join the ranks of the undead rather than to deal with everything piled on my shoulders.


	5. Chapter 5

Later that night, I sat with Sasha outside, Emma asleep in my lap. The warm breeze gently caressed my face, sending a sense of peace over my body. I had gone to her, knowing she'd be able to help me a bit.

"So you don't know what to do, huh?" Sasha said quietly, on account of Emma sleeping. I let her tag along, and she fell asleep a few minutes after finding Sasha.

I shook my head. "Not really. I mean, I want to be with him and all, but I don't think the timing is right. And plus, I don't want to hurt him..."

She nodded and paused for a moment. "I had something like this happen to me in high school. A friend of mine showed his intrest, and I turned him down. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be his girlfriend. A week later, he committed suicide! And he wrote letters to all his friends and family beforehand.

"I got one... he wrote about how he truly loved me, and hoped I wasn't mad. He also said that he'd miss me the most. I cried every night for a week, and prayed to God for forgiveness for hurting him. All I'm trying to say is that you really need to think about this. We could all be dead in a few days for all I know, so live every second like it's your last. He won't be there forever, so be careful what you do. I don't want to see either of you hurt because of it."

I sat there for a momenstock ironing Emma's curly blonde locks, not knowing what to say- what could I even say in response to that?

Sasha got up a few minutes later. "It's getting Late, we should be getting to bed soon."

I carefully got up, holding Emma like a baby, just how she liked to be held.

"Thank you, for everything. I just-"

"No, don't worry about it. I'm just glad I could help you."

With that, she headed back inside without another word.

I did the same, quietly walking to where our cell block was. As I expected, everyone's cell doors were wide open. Although the prison was safe, I failed to see the safety in it. I made sure our door was closed every night.

I tucked Emma into my bed, knowing I most likely wouldn't be asleep for a while. Things between Patrick and I were fuzzy, and I intended to make them clear again.

The twenty foot walk to his cell was the longest I'd ever walked. I was terrified he'd turn me away, or changed his mind.

'Live every second like it's your last...'

Sasha's words echoed in my head, which is what finally drovewe to knock on the wall outside his cell door and call out to him.

"Patrick?"

I stepped back, my heart racing. A second or two later, his curtain pulled back a bit, and he stood there for a moment, staring at me.

"Uh, hey.." He greeted me softly.

"Hi... Can we maybe talk? About what happened earlier?"

"Yeah, I guess so." He ventured back into his cell, and I reluctantly followed after.

His cell was very warm, and clean, too. His possessions were scattered on on the top bunk, but in an organized way. There were some pictures of him and his family tacked to the wall- his mom, dad, and two older twin sisters, Brianna and Reighlee. He had mentioned to me before that none of them survived after the third month of the outbreak.

He sat on the edge of his bed, and I sat beside him. It was me who spoke up first.

"I'm sorry that it happened the way it did... A lot had happened, and I was just a little shocked."

"No, it's okay, trust me. He helped me, in a sense. I'd never be brave enough to-" He paused, looking to the floor. I glanced over at him- he was blushing. "-to tell you I like you."

A small smile came over my face. No guy had ever told me they liked me, and this was special for me.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, the feeling just so happens to be mutual."

There was a moment of tension filled silence; I held my breath. I looked over at him again, only to see him smiling to the ground.

I couldn't help but smile again.

"You really mean that?" He asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, I do. I really like you, too."

Im not too sure what caused the nextoe vent to happen, but it just did. Our lips were pressee together, arms around each other in a sweet, gentle embrace. We stayed like that for maybe 20 seconds, when we both felt a need for oxygen.

That kiss was different- the others were friendly, meaningless, maybe lasting a second or two. But this one, I could tell that it meant _something. _

"I, uh, was wondering if, um, you'd maybe be my g-girlfriend...?" Patrick stuttered, obviously nervous.

I had made up my mind quickly, taking Sasha's words into account. "I'd love to."

* * *

**I do feel quite happy right now. **

**FEELS. FEELS EVERYWHERE. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys, sorry for not updating! I've been busy lately. :( **

**Sorry if this chapter is short, or if there's any typos. It's super late, and I'm updating from an iPad that likes to do random autocorrect in every sentence. **

* * *

A week had passed since Patrick and I had started dating. I had noticed that in those seven days, Patrick had been happier than usual. He would greet me every morning with a smile and a kiss, and hold my hand as we just wandered around the prison. More than once, someone would comment on how nice it was to see young love during everything happening, or how cute we were together.

"It's like you two are married or something.." Sasha had said earlier with a genuine smile.

I, of course, thought it was sweet to hear everyone say such nice things, but Patrick wasn't as accepting of it. Whenever anyone said something, he'd drag me off before anyone could notice his beet red cheeks. It did embarrass him, but I knew he'd warm up to it eventually.

* * *

"Can't you just tell them to stop?" Patrick asked me as we headed inside. We had developed a habit of sneaking out once everyone was asleep to just spend time alone outdoors.

"Why don't you like it? They're just being nice... Would you rather they say nasty things about us?"

He was quiet for a moment.

"Well I know they're being nice, but-"

"But nothing. They're being nice, so just smile, nod, and thank them. It's not hard to do."

He sighed, and there was an undertone of annoyance. "Yeah, I know,nut you either aren't listening or don't understand. I'm not exactly a fan of them doing it!"

By then, he was beginning to raise his voice. I stopped walking and turned to face him, burning with slight anger and aggravation.

"Stop being like that! Why can't you accept people being nice?!"

I was now full out yelling, and he was too. For a few minutes, we yelled over each other, both wanting, no, _needing, _to get the last word.

When I heard footsteps coming from down the hallway, I screamed at him. Not yelled, screamed.

"Stop! Just stop! I'm done with you right now, so just stop!"

A look of slight hurt was evident in his eyes. I could care less, only because I was so upset. It felt terrible to be fighting over something sa small, but there wasn't exactly anything I could do about it.

Karen stepped out of the shadows, looking half asleep.

"What are you two doing up, and why do you feel the need to be screaming at each other in the middle of the night? I'm almost positive you guys just woke up the entire cell block..."

It was no secret she was absolutely pissed, and I didn't blame her- we were being quite loud.

"We're both very sorry, ma'am, it won't happen again." Patrick mumbled, looking to the floor.

"Sorry.." I said softly.

Karen yawned and began to walk off, speaking as she did so.

"Good, now get to bed before you get in anymore trouble."

I looked over at Patrick once Karen had gone away, only to see his eyes glistening with tears. A part of me wanted to apologize, but I couldn't.

He shook his head a bit, and walked away. I followed after him, guilt clawing at my heart.


	7. Chapter 7

**I am so, so, so sorry I haven't updated in so long! I really have no excuse other than writers block, which I've had for the past.. Two, three weeks? It's been bad. I'll try and keep updating as much as I can!**

* * *

The next morning, I woke up with sore, red, puffy eyes- I had cried in my sleep.

Emma was still fast asleep on the top bunk, so I made us I was extra quiet while getting up and leaving the cell. Sunlight poured through the barred off windows, only making my eyes hurt more. I thought of going to see Patrick, but I knew he probably didn't wish to see me, the worst girlfriend in history.

I also wanted to see Sasha, but she wasn't my guidance counseler. Even if she said she didn't mind, I still didn't like pushing my problems over to her. So, I spent the beginning of the day alone, only speaking when I was spoken to. I ran into Patrick once or twice, but we just walked past each other. No one said anything on our silence, and I was grateful for that.

Carl was the first to talk.

"I heard you and Patrick fighting last night.."

I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. "It was bad, wasn't it? Sorry you had to hear it."

He looked down and paused for a moment.

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to. Patrick really, really likes you. Ever since you came here, he's talked about you and how pretty he thinks you are. I'm not sure how he feels now, but I can't garuntee you anything. I personally think you should go see him and make things right again before it's too late."

I let his words sink in for a moment. He was right, but I couldn't bring myself to face him; the fight had been entirely my fault, and he had every right to be upset. The only thing was that I wasn't a person who would easily admit to their mistakes.

"I know I need to, but I just can't. He'll probably ignore me and I doubt he wants to see me. I ruined everything because I can't keep my damn mouth shut!"

Carl disregarded my statement and went on talking. "The longer you wait, the worse it'll get, you know. It's not fair that you're making him wait until you feel like doing anything."

"Are you saying all of this is my fault?" I asked, a bit thrown off by what he said.

"Not really. All I'm saying is that you need to do something because he probably won't. I've known him longer than you have."

After a minute or two, Carl walked away. I stood there for a moment, thinking over his words. If Patrick really wasn't going to do anything, it got me thinking about whether or not he was really as happy as he seemed. Was it just an act to fool me?

A part of me refused to believe he was like that, but there was always that, 'what if'. I loved him, and he loved me. So why was I thinking he was lying to me?

Maybe, just maybe, he wasn't the issue.

Maybe, just maybe, it was me.

* * *

It was around noon when I finally worked up the nerve to approach Patrick. It took me awhile to find him, but I eventually did. He was out in the front courtyard on his own, near the fence. Walkers stumbled about the field in a drunk fashion, their groans filling the air.

I took a deep breath, making my way towards him, and I stood beside him. It was quiet for a moment.

"We need to talk." I forced out the words, looking up at him.

He didn't look at me. "Well go ahead. Talk."

"I.. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you, and there was no reason to in the first place. You have every right to be against everyone saying things about us, but I was tired, and I just wasn't thinking right. I really am sorry.."

He still didn't look at me or talk. It was a bit aggravating, but I couldn't blame him. After all, I did scream in his face for no reason.

"Please, say something.. Are you mad at me? Am I unfit to be your girlfriend or something?"

Finally, he looked down at me.

"I don't know. That's up to you to decide."

I stared for a moment. "What? I don't really foll-"

I was silenced by his lips on mine. He pulled away after a minute, and wrapped his arms around me. I did the same to him, whispering 'I'm sorry' over and over until I believed it was said enough times.


	8. Chapter 8

Patrick and I kept hugging for a few minutes. It was nice to know everything was okay again.

When we finally separated, I saw he was smiling. I couldn't help but smile as well. It made me feel a bit better to know that he wasn't very mad at me; I loved him and didn't ever want to lose him.

He kissed my forehead, then pulled away from me.

"Last one to the field has to do whatever the winner says for the day!"

He took off running then. I grinned, running after him. Unfortunately for me, he was much faster and got an unfair advantage, setting him a good twenty feet ahead of me.

"Would it kill you to slow down?" I called to him as we neared the field.

"Nope!" He responded.

I thought for a moment and smirked, sitting on the ground and clutching my ankle as though I had tripped and hurt it.

"God damnit!" I screeched, seeing him stop, look back to me, and start running my way.

It took him less than ten seconds to reach me. When he did, he kneeled beside me and tore my hands from my ankle.

"Oh god, this is my fault.. If I hadn't made you run you'd be fine, I'm so sorry..."

I faked a flinch and wrapped an arm around his neck. "Here, help me up.."

He compiled to my request and got me off the ground. I 'limped' for a few feet then looked to him.

"Patrick?" I said, making it sound like I was in pain.

"Yeah?" Concern was quite evident in his voice.

"You're so gullible.." I let go of him and gently shoved him away, sprinting off.

"Hey, that's not fair!" He shouted to me. I looked back, seeing him get closer. That didn't help much, as he grabbed me from behind not long after.

I shrieked in slight surprise and instinctively grabbed onto his hands, spinning myself around to face him. He had a grin on his face, most likely from his victory.

"That should teach you not to trick me ever again.." He mumbled, grabbing my waist and kissing me gently.

I smiled a bit. "Well I guess you win by default. Your wish is my command."

He paused for a moment. "When we get older, we go off on our own with your sister. I was alone for seven months before I came here, and I would do it again if I got the chance. With you, of course."

"Are you being serious?" I asked quietly. The idea of being alone out there, or having extremely low numbers frightened me.

He nodded. "Of course! Just thi-"

Patrick was cut off by a high pitched scream.

A scream I had heard before. From Emma.

My head snapped in the direction of the noise, and I saw something I would never unsee; a few walkers had gotten in from beyond the fence, and they had Emma down on the ground while they bit into her over and over and over again- her screams and squirms didn't stun them. I let out a cry of anguish and pulled away from Patrick, sprinting to the scene. Some of the other children who I had assumed had been playing with her, ran away fthe her yelling for help. I pulled out my small pocketknife as I got closer, tackling one of the walkers to the ground. I repeatedly stabbed it in the head. Tears blurred my eyes, and I heard gunshots go off and the thumps of bodies hitting the ground, as well as shouts from others coming to see what had happened. My mind wandered to Emma, and I crawled to her side.

She was sobbing loudly, covered in her own blood and dirt. Her arms, stomach, and one of her legs we're torn open and bitten up, various types of muscle, tissue, and organs were exposed. I grabbed onto her hand, tears cascading down my face.

"Jenna, it hurts... P-please make it s-stop!" She begged.

I looked away, unable to see her suffer. When I looked up, I saw Rick, Carl, Michonne, and Daryl, looks of sympathy on their faces.

"We have to save her! Someone, go get Hershel or Doctor S, please!"

Rick kneeled beside Emma, who was obviously fading away.

"I'm sorry, but they won't be able to do anything. She's been bitten.."

A sob escaped from my lips and I looked down to Emma.

"I love you, so much.. You'll be okay, don't worry."

I leaned down and kissed her forehead, still holding her hand. The crying subsided, and eventually her little eyes closed for the last time and her hold on my hand vanished.

My lip quivered, and I broke down sobbing.

She was gone, and I failed to have saved her.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey guys! I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while.. I know, I'm a douchecookie. But since TWD is coming back I'll be updating a bit more, so yeah.. Onward with the story!**

* * *

Numb.

I was immune to emotion and didn't feel anything except the hollow feeling that consumed me after Emma's passing. As the days rolled on, it didn't become any weaker or stronger; it was just... There.

I felt responsible, yeah, but there was nothing I could do to bring her back. She was dead and gone, end of story.

While all of this was happening, Patrick failed to leave my side. He cared enough to listen to me mumble during ungodly hours of the morning over random nothings. He was always there to comfort me when I cried, and even when I told him to leave he stayed. He claimed it was because he loved and cared for me. I believed him.

I really shouldn't have.

I'd heard that the Council had asked him to watch over me so that I didn't try to hurt myself or others. They basically put him on suicide watch. I knew it was because they all cared, but they took my weapons so what could I do? Bang my head on the wall until it killed me?

'That could work..' I thought to myself, giving the somewhat morbid idea a chance. Sure, it would hurt, but it would be effective.

There was a small knock, then the curtain to my cell was pushed aside as Lizzie and Mika entered. I never really got to know them, but they always seemed to be nice to Emma, which was good enough for me.

Lizzie had a flower in her hand, as did Mika.

"We're sorry about what happened a few days ago. We would have come sooner but dad said to give you some space. We picked you some flowers, too.."

They held them out to me, and I accepted them with a small smile. They were just ordinary dandelions, but it was really the thought that counted.

"Thank you." I said softly. "Don't think its your fault or that you're responsible for it. Sometimes, accidents happen. And that's all it was; an accident."

Mika smiled a bit. "Mr. Greene got everyone to pray for you and Emma last night during dinner. Almost everyone did."

I nodded. "Can you tell Hershel I said thank you?"

"Yeah, I can." Mika came forward and gave me a tight hug. I returned it, my eyes watering. Lizzie gave me as well.

"We'll leave you alone now, but we'll see you later."

They turned and left, leaving me alone. I felt tears rushing down my face, but didn't bother to wipe them away. Why should I? More would replace them anyways, so it was pointless.

After a moment, I broke down into hysteria- crying, sobbing, punching the wall, and screaming into my pillow. It was after I calmed down that I decided I wanted to leave the prison. With Patrick, by morning.

There were far too many bad memories for my liking. I just wanted to go somewhere that I could forget everything- another group, even just traveling with Patrick across the United States would suffice.

But at the same time, I wanted to stay and heal. I'd been through some heavy shit, but would it truly be worth it?

* * *

Later that night, Patrick came in as he always did to make sure I slept alright. He went straight to the chair in the corner by cell door, like he had for the past few nights. I frowned a bit, and he noticed.

"Is everything alright?" He asked, looking over at me.

I shook my head no.

"Not really. I want you to lay with me tonight."

He was quiet for a moment.

"W-what if one of the adults checks in on us and assumes we were... y'know..."

I saved him the embarrassment of continuing and shrugged.

"Who cares? Its not like we're going to do any of that. I just don't want to be alone is all."

After a moment, he sighed and got up. I scooted closer to the wall, giving him room to lay beside me. When I was sure he was comfortable, I continued.

"I want to leave." I said softly.

He propped himself up on his elbow,and looked down at me with a confused look on his face. "What? Why? Don't you like it here? Its the safest place to be right now..."

"There's too many bad memories here, and it hurts me. And you even asked me if I would go with you when we got older, so what's the harm in leaving a bit early?"

"Do you realize how bad its gotten? I don't even know why I said it, to be honest. The only thing that's going to happen is an increased population of the dead. Right now, I'm not going anywhere and neither are you."

I blinked a few times. Since when was he the boss of me?

"You can't tell me where I can and can't go, you do realize.. You're my boyfriend, not my father."

He sighed, resting a hand on my cheek gently. "I don't have to be your father to love and care about you. I don't know what I would do if I lost you, and letting you go out there is a death sentence. So please don't make me have to tell someone.."

"Oh, so you're a tattletale, too?" The way I said it had some playful undertones, but it still came off as serious.

"If I have to be, then yes, I'm a tattletale. But only because I love you."

He kissed me gently and got comfortable, draping his arm over my waist protectively.

"Now get to sleep and we can talk about it in the morning."

"Fine." I mumbled, turning over so that my back was to him.

Maybe an hour later, Patrick had fallen asleep. I checked a few times to see if I could move him without waking him, only causing his hold on me to tighten slightly. I held my breath and slowly eased his arm off me so I could get up.

It took me a while, but I eventually got myself off the bed. I grabbed my backpack from under the bed, which I had packed in advance, and and opened the curtain. I paused, then went to Patrick and kissed his temple, possibly for the last time.

"I love you..." I whispered, then made my way out before he could awaken.


End file.
